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"The universe is big. It's vast and complicated and ridiculous. And sometimes, very rarely, impossible things just happen and we call them miracles."

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dicklover3000:

*on a date*

so haha tell me more about your dog

(via kianlawley)

whiteboywaves:

Boy: *hands me diamond ring* will you marry me
Me: *puts diamond ring on* na

(via fuckyeahtxtposts)

rosesalts:

when the moon hits ur eye like a big pizza pie

macklemoré

(via fuckyeahtxtposts)

zealotarchaeologist:

i stepped on the scale today and it said “bat”

it took me a few seconds to realize it meant the battery was out, but before i realized that i just said “i am not a bat” out loud

(via fuckyeahtxtposts)

drake & josh
season 1: drake helps josh w/ a crush
season 4: drake & josh accidentally sell an orangutan to a man who eats orangutans

meatbicyclevevo:

thetowndrugdealer:

precumming:

I JUST PUT MY SHIRT ON AND THERE WAS A SPIDER IN IT!!!!!!!!

or did you just put a shirt on that a spider was already wearing?

thats so rude

(via fuckyeahtxtposts)

officialbeyonceknowles:

u deserve a nice boy who texts u back and buys u tacos and doesn’t kiss other girls behind ur back and who makes u laugh and thinks ur funny

(via ca-ri-b0)

tightvaginas:

three things i’ll say in awkward situations:

  • hahahahah
  • omg
  • idk

(via justt---j3nny)

kaliforhnia:

There’s always gonna be that one person that you can’t get out of your mind no matter how hard you try.

(via ishall-refusetosink)

putins-boyfriend:

happy-avocado:

aye-lemme-whisper-in-yo-ear:

kushdrinker:

have u ever tried to look cool in front of ur friends and u image

i have been laughing at this for 10 minutes straight. 

both his pants and underwear came off how did he even manage

(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

(via ballstothewallxo)